I Am Like Other Girls

“You’re not like other girls. You’re smarter.”

“Looks don’t matter.”

“It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”

Growing up means realizing that girls and women can care about both inner and outer beauty.

“I’m Not Like Other Girls”

I wanted to be a strong woman when I grew up.

While growing up, feminism meant (to me) that you were “above” anything remotely feminine. You were more than your looks. On the surface, this showed young girls that they could play sports, pursue STEM, and thrive in other male-dominated fields. This is a good message, except it also indirectly led these young girls to alienate others who genuinely liked makeup, fashion, the color pink, etc.

I thought that I was special because I had brown hair, played sports, liked rock bands, and thrived in school. I thought that the “other girls” deserved hate because they weren’t nerdy tomboys. To me, they were an embarrassment to feminism.

This was an immature and very stupid mindset. A lot of these “other girls” were either athletes and/or did really well in school, and I just thought that they looked too feminine. Also, even if they weren’t athletes or in the honor roll, they didn’t deserve to have their heads shoved into the dirt by society. But being a pick-me, I thought that they didn’t deserve respect because they were “too girly.”

Ultimately, compared to “other girls,” what was “on the inside” of me was pretty intolerable.

I was told that girls could do it all, yet I tore down the girls who actually did. I didn’t understand that being a strong woman didn’t mean that you always had to be like a man.

Wanting Validation

Ultimately, I was scared of being a target for others to take shots at. I even remember my male basketball coach scolding us whenever we lost by saying that we played “like a bunch of girls.” Being feminine didn’t get you a lot of respect if you were a girl. I didn’t want to risk other people “putting me in my place” for being too girly as well.

I thought that strong women needed to thrive all the time and basically be like men. Because I was in honor roll and apparently great at PE, I thought that this set me apart and made me special. I thought that these external factors would protect me from disrespect. Consequently, when I saw other girls either struggling in class or not wanting to participate in PE, instead of responding with empathy, I responded with disdain.

I didn’t want to receive the criticism that the other girls were getting from teachers, coaches, and boys in general, for either struggling or just being too girly, so I tried to prove that I deserved respect, as if I were one of the guys.

Validation Withheld

College taught me what it felt like to be “other girls.” I struggled with projects and wasn’t doing as well academically as I did in high school. As a result, a lot of people treated me like I was stupid, and I didn’t have any evidence to prove them wrong. My stupidity felt solidified when I didn’t get the job that I wanted, unlike seemingly everyone else who walked with me at graduation.

I didn’t have a shield to protect me from disrespect anymore. I was a target, and I was brutally shot down.

Ultimately, I had to face the fact that I wasn’t the special, strong woman that I thought I was. I was just like the “other girls” that I’d villainized when I was younger. It got to the point where the only difference between me and “other girls” was that I actually deserved the disdain that I received a lot more than they did.

I Am Like Other Girls

It turns out that I like being feminine a lot more than I thought.

I cook and care more about what I eat. I actually like having long hair. Experimenting with different color palettes for my clothes has made me feel more joyful. Allowing myself to think “I actually like wearing pink” is so freeing. Instead of constantly trying to be like one of the guys, I can just be myself.

It’s liberating to know that I can care about my physical appearance and also be strong in my pursuit of the video game industry.

I’ve outgrown the mindset that acting feminine is some kind of crime against feminism.

Closing Remarks

If you’re a girl who plays sports and competes, that’s great. If you’re a girl who likes to experiment with fashion and makeup, that’s also great. You’re a woman who wants to climb the corporate ladder, that’s great. If you’re a woman who wants a marriage and to make your home, that’s also great.

If you’re a person who uses “feminine” as an insult, you’re not that great.

Tearing down women for their styles and tastes doesn’t make you edgy, special, or brave. If you think that the problem is all other girls, or all other women, then chances are the problem is actually you, whatever your gender is.

I dressed up as a flapper for a ballroom showcase routine.

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