Burnout, Part 2

This was an extraordinary summer.

I accomplished a lot, including dancing in my first ballroom competition, launching this website, doing two independent studies, and assisting two other classes.

I guess that I thrived, except the independent studies didn’t go well.

Undergrad Work

I created these above models in sophomore year. These are probably the best-looking character models that I’ve ever made. Unfortunately, they are also unusable.

Character models need to be blocked out if they’re going to be used in games or other animated media. This means paying attention to the muscles and tendons to shape the characters’ bodies. Each body part (lower leg, torso, jaw, etc.) needs to start out as its own mesh. This makes setting the characters up for animation a lot easier.

Unfortunately, I did not do that for these above models, making them unusable for games and other animated media.

Basically, when it comes to character modeling, I’ve had to completely start over, which feels like all the work that I’d done before was for nothing.

But I just need to try, right?

Grad Work

Here are some character block outs that I created over this summer.

It turns out that I’m not exactly great at creating characters the right way.

Burnout

I would continuously get feedback, and I would keep resubmitting the block outs, but after a while, I didn’t understand how to give the professor what he wanted. The pieces of feedback kept piling up with every resubmission to the point where I couldn’t bring myself to respond anymore. I then just kept working on the new assignments and stopped resubmitting the old ones. The burnout really hit me, and I consequently failed the studies.

I remember crying because I knew that I had worked hard in these classes. I literally worked on these models in the computer lab until 4 am. With all of the effort that I’d put in, I’d hoped that I would at least get credit for that.

I sacrificed a big portion of my summer for these independent studies so that I could get closer to my career goals sooner. Now, I’m worried that I’ll actually look like Emily from Corpse Bride by the time that I actually get into the video game industry.

Snowball Effect

Failing these studies made everything else that I’d accomplished feel obsolete. I thought that these other activities would make me feel complete regardless of whether I passed these summer classes. But instead, this one failure made everything else feel pointless. The burnout consumed me.

A Solution?

Fortunately, the professor is holding my grade and giving me this fall semester to redo these block outs, and I now have a better understanding of how to use references.

After briefly stepping away and accepting that I failed the studies, I once again remodeled the female block out. Here it is below.

This block out is a lot better than the ones further above because I had a better idea of how to use references.

In an earlier post, I said that the only way out is through. Although I still believe that this is true, I also believe that it’s important to accept when you need a break. I was overwhelmed with the piling amounts of feedback and couldn’t think clearly. If I’d taken a step back to clear my mind, then I might have understood sooner how to properly use references. Instead, I had the mindset that I couldn’t rest until the block outs were finished, and the burnout almost immediately consumed me.

If the light really is at the end of the tunnel, then it should still be there after you rest.

I’m not saying this just to make you feel better if you’re struggling with a goal. The professor didn’t accept my models because they weren’t good. Stepping away and taking a break improved my mindset, and as a result, I understood how to use references, and he approved this latest female block out.

Employers in the video game industry (or any field of work) won’t accept work from people who just tried hard. They want results. In the real world, you won’t be thanked for your effort if your actual work isn’t good. This means that the only person who can take care of you is you. Your mindset makes a difference, so if you’re overwhelmed, take a step back. Nobody is going to thank you for overworking yourself if the actual work isn’t good.

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