I’ve had a long job history since graduating two years ago. Unfortunately, I’m still not where I want to be.
Job #1
After I graduated, I worked as a counselor at an online summer camp. I taught kids how to use RPG Maker, design their own emojis, make their own storyboards, etc.
Job #2
After that summer, I got a job as a gallery attendant at one of the local museums. My job is to report when people touch the gallery pieces. I try to learn about the history behind the gallery pieces to stay occupied.
Jobs #2 and #3
In 2023, one of the exhibits closed, so my bosses cut back my hours. I needed the money, so I got another job as a custodian at my gym. This lasted for about 5 months.
Jobs #2 and #4
Still working at the museum, I wanted to do something related to games. I got another job as a seasonal employee at GameStop, working the Holiday season.
Job #2
I am still working at the museum. I have worked there for over a year and a half.
Stability vs. Happiness
I’m grateful to make money while building my 3D modeling portfolio and going to grad school. I understand that I’m working toward my goals.
I’m also burnt out. I think that I’ve done everything that I can do at the museum. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of salaried jobs available while I’m at grad school. Though I’m working this summer as a graduate assistant for one of my professors (Hooray for Job #5!), that position has an end date.
I am grateful for the stability. I am also not too happy where I am right now. I wish that I could skip the rest of the struggle and just get hired by a video game studio.
I know that I’m not the only person to burn out from a job, and I know how replaceable I am. I know that if I act out at work, my bosses could rightfully fire me and hire someone else easily.
I’m not here to complain about how hard my job is, because it’s not hard, and ultimately, I’m grateful for the money and the people that I work with.
That still doesn’t change that I’m burnt out and need a change.
Meanwhile…
My professors and a few other industry people told me that my 3D modeling portfolio is a lot better now than when I graduated.
I’m improving, but I still need to work if I want to stay somewhat independent.
I mitigate how I feel with other activities: ballroom, parkour, pool, etc. But most of those cost money, which means that I really need my job. I also can’t just stop pursuing these hobbies because if I get a video game studio job, I won’t know how to do anything else.
I know that the simple answer is to just keep at grad school and my portfolio. But if I want to balance these pursuits with hobbies, then I need to keep a job that I’m not excited about anymore.
I know that the best success stories are about people who struggled to get to where they are today. They worked their way to the top and accomplished their dreams.
I’ve struggled for the past two years, and my portfolio is apparently better. Can’t that be enough? Can’t I just be a success now?
Nope, that’s not how reality works. You have to put in the hard work, otherwise there’s no chance of achieving your dream. Just because my models are better now than they were two years ago doesn’t mean that I’m ready to work in a studio where other people would have to rely on me.
Sometimes you have to look for your luck. Sometimes you have to wait for your luck to find you. Until then, unfortunately, the best advice that I have (especially for myself) is pretty bleak: the only way out is through.