Do you feel rejected by people who matter to you? Do you just know that you’re not as important to them as they are to you?
Connection
I believe that talking to new people is one of the most important things that you can do. Navigating the world is a lot easier when you have the right people in your corner. To figure out who those people are, you have to meet them.
Most People Don’t Matter
You are probably not going to want to be friends with every person you meet. It’s big world. You’re going to find out that there are people that don’t make enough of an impact to matter to you. That doesn’t mean that they don’t make an impact to others, just not you.
Some People Do Matter
Inversely, there are a select few who are unique. Maybe you’re both pursuing the same industry, or you both love to travel. Maybe you love the same sports or music, or you both actively dislike someone else. For one reason or another, you feel a genuine connection with these people. You really want to be best friends. Meeting these people feels like a breath of fresh air after drowning in the sea of random people who don’t matter.
So, what happens when they don’t feel the same way?
“Just Work On Yourself”
That’s the piece of advice that we all get when we feel rejected, right? We pursue things to make ourselves more well-rounded.
I read about Vietnamese History, play pool, ballroom dance, etc. I am working toward the video game industry. Lately, I’ve also put together group dinners and outings.
This is me working on myself. I have a bad habit of assuming that as a result, new friends should come easily. I mean, they should come easily, right? If I am someone with goals, skills and interests, surely others will find me interesting and want to talk to me, right?
Unfortunately, rejection still happens. Maybe you thought that you found a connection, but they never start a conversation or even answer your messages. Maybe they said that they would arrange the next hangout but never follow through. The next thing you know, you keep trying and trying to keep the friendship (or relationship) alive until you literally can’t ignore that the fact that they aren’t doing the same for you.
Afterward, you receive that same piece of advice, and it makes you want to scream out, “What do you think I’ve been doing this whole time?! I already put in the effort! What else could I possibly do to prove that I deserve respect?!”
After You’re Still Rejected…
I think that another popular piece of advice to finding out that someone doesn’t care about you is to say “F*** them.”
I disagree with that. We can have a lot of acquaintances in life, but finding someone that you feel a deep connection to means a lot more to you, which hurts if that person doesn’t feel it too. You wanted to be friends with that person for a reason, and simply saying “F*** them” is dismissing your feelings.
So honestly, my advice is, yes, “F*** them,” but first, let it hurt. You liked this person for a reason. Just dismissing them won’t make you feel better.
Let it hurt and then leave them alone. If you are angry about someone rejecting you, just remember that you’ve almost certainly rejected others who felt the same way about you. Yes, it’s infuriating, but rejection is inevitable. Just as you’re allowed to not like other people, other people are allowed to not like you. Accept that it hurts and then leave them alone.
Real friends will never make you feel like you need to prove your worth. Sometimes, issues that you have with people come down to communication, but if you literally have to say, “I want you to want to spend time with me,” then it’s already time to walk away. If they’re consistently not answering your messages, that’s enough communication. Unfortunately, no answer is an answer.
There are a lot of people in the world, so you don’t have to settle for those who don’t give you the same regard. I promise that you will matter to the right people as much as they matter to you.
